I saw the doctor, and I saw my X-rays.

We drove a long time to see the doctor. She placed my pet carrier along with my blankie and Lamby onto the passenger seat and strapped the seatbelt around us. She left the netted top unzipped and opened. Mommy scooted the seat back as far as it will go but found no object of proper proportions to place on the floorboard to protect me if the airbag were to deploy, sometimes she thinks about “what ifs.” She took a chance in keeping me up front with her because long rides stress me, and this was my first time actually getting to see a veterinarian. She wanted me to know she was by my side. She kept her right hand upon me, consoling me, nearly the entire trip.

Now we are about halfway there and stopped at a light. Mommy took me out to see what was around. She regretted not propping my carrier up onto something so that I may catch a glimpse out a window if I wanted to.

I just don’t like any of this one bit, not the drive, not the scenery, and not this feeling that I am not going to like the destination.

Mommy feels my impression of this waiting room. I am not impressed, and I know something undesirable is taking place. I am not endowed with many forms of expression to convey what I am feeling. But I do have feelings, moods, and emotions. A lot of people don’t know or believe that.

I was a good boy as I was weighed (twice). Mommy tells me I am her little fighter. She knows I am strong in a number of ways, sometimes because once in a while, acceptance takes bravery. She tells me I’m so smart because she knows I am observant. She also knows I have (and she appreciates) a rebellious streak, an aspect of my personality, of which I am not expressing much today. She adores my determination and defiance that I often show. But I am not expressing that characteristic either on this day, because I trust Mommy, realizing this must happen for some reason.

In the examination room, which became another smaller waiting room, Mommy answered many questions and gave information about me. The kind, young lady speaking to us is a student. And I think Mommy and I taught her a few things, one being a good way to get we lizards to open our mouths – by gently working a wettened cotton swab between the lips to begin the opening process. I was her first “lizard case,” as she called it. She thought I was sweet. She also thought it adorable that I love my Lamby. She saw how close Mommy and I are. Maybe, one day she too will love a lizard that needs her.  

When the doctor entered the room, he tested my limbs in a number of ways, for he knew I was having muscular tremors. He rubbed my back and felt a hard spot. He said it could be a bit of poo, but he may be feeling a tumor. When he saw how strong I was when I fought to get away from him, he said “Boy, you’re really strong when you want to be!” He then placed me onto the floor (which is where I was headed), to see how I walked. He just witnessed my rebellious side! He saw how I occasionally do not attempt to fix my hands by facing them forward, walking instead with the topside of my tiny wrists and hands. He left me on the cold, hard floor. I was looking up at Mommy. Obviously, she needed to pick me up. 

Here is one of my tremors.:

 

Mommy held me a moment and then placed me upon my blankie onto the examination table again. Then, the doctor used what appeared to be a credit card to open my mouth. It worked very well, maybe better than the swab. I did NOT like it one bit! My beard became blackened because the doctor was really messing with me AND I don’t know him! Mom said, “You’re getting on his (s***) list.” He replied, “Oh yeah, Beardies can be emotional.”

After he opened my mouth, he lowered my bottom lip very far and Mommy saw for the first time what I was living with: a yellow line of trouble at the base of my teeth below the visibility line. As my mouth remained pried open, the lady student then swabbed the yellow line (likened to plaque) to test for possible causes. Was it a bacterial problem, or the cause of yeast, as in thrush?  

Mommy’s heart broke into tiny bits. Some of which may still lie upon the floor in that room. Although she’s been cleaning my teeth and gums often with a wettened swab (since my teeth have become quite dark, and especially if she spots food bits stuck there) she never saw this. She thought all my surrounding tissue was healthy. They appear to be until my lips are pulled very far down. Her research indicated teeth color may not be of great concern so long as my gums and tongue look good. Was it something she has done or neglected to do, could this have happened to any lizard of my age? Is it preventable, reversible? Doesn’t matter, her mind beating rages on. She wonders if I am in pain, the doctor just told her that I probably was. But we are really tight, and she had not gotten that impression from me, ever. The doctor told her she can apply gum numbing agents. She bought same incase I appear to be in pain. 

The doctor and student exit the room, and we wait…

…and we wait.

We then stand, we walk around to check out the items in the room, from boredom, as well as angst.

We looked at what they had about us pulled up on the computer screen.

We talked about the macaws of this framed print upon the wall. I look so intrigued.

Eventually the kind, young lady returned. She has come to take me away from Mommy for X-rays and bloodwork. Mommy didn’t expect this and did not like it, neither did I. She wants to be with me every minute but subdued that for my sake, and what needed done. She asked if my Lamby and blankie can stay with me. They did, she thinks, except for X-ray time. The lady may think Mommy’s ridiculous in babying a reptile, but rather, she thinks the lady just feels the love, and doesn’t care what she thinks anyway. Mommy didn’t take photos of everything because this wasn’t easy for either of us. She kissed me a bunch as I was being walked backwards out of the room. Mommy waited for me for around an hour 1/2. 

The lady retrieved me and my belongings from the warm incubator that housed me momentarily and gave me to Mommy, saying how I closed my eyes and briefly rested in there, and that I was so good when the needle was stuck into the vein inside my tail to collect blood. The lady then left the room, and we waited for the team to view any findings. Now I have Mommy, and people messing with me is taking a toll. I close my eyes, but I am not sleeping.  

The doctor enters the room. He discusses my teeth, an option is surgery, but he fears when the yellow is scraped, bone will be visible, maybe Mommy just keeps me as comfortable as possible, that Benzocaine can numb my gums. She translates that as a form of hospice. He said overall, my phosphorus level is good, calcium is on the low side of good, and he proceeds to discuss my X-rays.

The black image is my lung. Do you see that subtle white haze overlapping the edge? It’s fluid. The doctor said this is indicative of a failing liver or a liver tumor.

No other meds besides the fluid Mommy applies to my gums were prescribed for fear they would not be good for my liver. Mommy thought I was middle-aged, the doctor told her it is very rare for my species to live to 10 years.

I get “spa time” every week. But now Mommy gives me that every other day. I love to rest in the sink with a warm trickle of water massaging me and I scoot around to get it on all of my muscles. Then Mommy plugs the sink for a water and money-saving soaking.

Sometimes I am treated with the full shower effect.

I despise medicine time! Yesterday I scurried away from the Q-tip when I saw it, burying my face into Mommy’s waist and her shirt. Overall, I handle it. I cooperate. Mommy thinks it must taste horrible. She cannot distinguish if it tastes nasty to me, or if getting my lips pried apart and my gums gently rubbed is what causes me to react the way that I do.

I am not eating very much but am enjoying a large variety of veggies and a few fruits. I’ve no interest in live food any longer, so Mommy is concerned with my lack of protein intake. I wouldn’t eat a single bite of anything after returning from my appointment. Five hours there, not including the driving time left me wanting held and nothing more.

I am not pooing much either. Since it is now too cold for me to be outside, and I refuse to poo in my cage (I prefer to go in the grass), Mommy is having me walk around the house (if I want to walk) because when my dog brother was alive, I’d poo on his potty pad. Sometimes I’ll poo over the drain in the sink, but not when it’s spa time. If I need to go, I head toward the sink while Mommy washes dishes because I often hang out with her as she cleans the kitchen. She knows she needs to clear the sink for me when I do this. Mommy then has to bathe me under running water, then bleach the area to resume washing dishes. What can I say, I’m a picky pooer!

I do eat a bit every day. I am receiving my gum medicine. I do not seem to be in any pain, and my mood is generally great, however I’m seeming a bit introspective. I have another appointment next week to discuss progress, options, and more. Mommy is hoping sharing my story can help others know what can happen and maybe receive valuable input by anyone who has had a lizard with similar diagnoses. She is doing research on causes and healing, enzymes, deficiencies, and toxicities.

Please aim a prayer, or a healing energy, a healthy wish, or a loving vibe toward our Murph. Thank you.

“Give me Lizardry or give me Death!” – Dawn Renée ♥️